What is happening.....

Tell me.....

What is happening?

What is this place?

I do not remember...

When I started this blog so long ago it was meant to be known to no one.
To be my retreat of solitude. When I could no longer keep my secrets, and exspell them under a fake indentity. An identity of anger and sorrow. Someone filled with hatred for this world, and all those who in habited it. Guess that is only a part of me.

Then I fell in love with Caley. And I had no reason to hate the world anymore. I think to myslef of one reason and I have none. I lost my casue. Instead I am in love. The reason I hated the world was becasue it denyed me of that. Wouldn't you? But than again, who am I typing to right now? Myself again.

Strange how the world unfolds...

Once upon a time I claimed I was the Dragon Master. I believed in this so strongly that even if people thought I was joking, I wasn't. He was all I aspired to be. The greatest knight. But one day there was a shift.

I created Citoria.

It was just a drawing of me angry...and I turned his eye to black and added three slashes. What I would give if I never created him..

So then I kept creating more and more of a story about him, until he became my other half, a demon I was born to be equals with. A demon who wanted vengence on the world and God. Justice, his justice for all those who he claimed betrayed him. This worked for like 2 and a half years. Now he's nothing more than a character in a story. He is attached to me in the story, but not the real me anymore.

I can feel the anger, no the hatred leaving me. But it's leaving a void. A void that creates confusion. I already have a place for love and happiness within me, but this confusion, is causing stress that is driving me insane.

I feel as though I gave up my dream of the Dragon Master, to replace him with Citoria, and now I am so distant from him. I used to draw him all the time. But not anymore. People should know his name and not Citoria. I should have been him all those years.

Why did this happen Dragon Master?

Who knows.

I am jealous of the Jonathan in my drawings. For you see he is surrounded by friends. Perhaps it's becasue I am growing up, or the fact that I live in residence, but I wish I had my friends. But there always seems to betrouble betwee them.

What is happening to me?
Guess I'm just in a rut. Nothing to draw, no adventure, no dramatic tales to share.

How can I find this adventure?

Things just seem to be dying off....

I must find a way to stop it.

If there is a way...