Check out my Art! http://lorddragonmaster.deviantart.comWhat is happening.....
Tell me.....
What is happening?
What is this place?
I do not remember...
When I started this blog so long ago it was meant to be known to no one.
To be my retreat of solitude. When I could no longer keep my secrets, and exspell them under a fake indentity. An identity of anger and sorrow. Someone filled with hatred for this world, and all those who in habited it. Guess that is only a part of me.
Then I fell in love with Caley. And I had no reason to hate the world anymore. I think to myslef of one reason and I have none. I lost my casue. Instead I am in love. The reason I hated the world was becasue it denyed me of that. Wouldn't you? But than again, who am I typing to right now? Myself again.
Strange how the world unfolds...
Once upon a time I claimed I was the Dragon Master. I believed in this so strongly that even if people thought I was joking, I wasn't. He was all I aspired to be. The greatest knight. But one day there was a shift.
I created Citoria.
It was just a drawing of me angry...and I turned his eye to black and added three slashes. What I would give if I never created him..
So then I kept creating more and more of a story about him, until he became my other half, a demon I was born to be equals with. A demon who wanted vengence on the world and God. Justice, his justice for all those who he claimed betrayed him. This worked for like 2 and a half years. Now he's nothing more than a character in a story. He is attached to me in the story, but not the real me anymore.
I can feel the anger, no the hatred leaving me. But it's leaving a void. A void that creates confusion. I already have a place for love and happiness within me, but this confusion, is causing stress that is driving me insane.
I feel as though I gave up my dream of the Dragon Master, to replace him with Citoria, and now I am so distant from him. I used to draw him all the time. But not anymore. People should know his name and not Citoria. I should have been him all those years.
Why did this happen Dragon Master?
Who knows.
I am jealous of the Jonathan in my drawings. For you see he is surrounded by friends. Perhaps it's becasue I am growing up, or the fact that I live in residence, but I wish I had my friends. But there always seems to betrouble betwee them.
What is happening to me?
Guess I'm just in a rut. Nothing to draw, no adventure, no dramatic tales to share.
How can I find this adventure?
Things just seem to be dying off....
I must find a way to stop it.
If there is a way...
What is happening?
What is this place?
I do not remember...
When I started this blog so long ago it was meant to be known to no one.
To be my retreat of solitude. When I could no longer keep my secrets, and exspell them under a fake indentity. An identity of anger and sorrow. Someone filled with hatred for this world, and all those who in habited it. Guess that is only a part of me.
Then I fell in love with Caley. And I had no reason to hate the world anymore. I think to myslef of one reason and I have none. I lost my casue. Instead I am in love. The reason I hated the world was becasue it denyed me of that. Wouldn't you? But than again, who am I typing to right now? Myself again.
Strange how the world unfolds...
Once upon a time I claimed I was the Dragon Master. I believed in this so strongly that even if people thought I was joking, I wasn't. He was all I aspired to be. The greatest knight. But one day there was a shift.
I created Citoria.
It was just a drawing of me angry...and I turned his eye to black and added three slashes. What I would give if I never created him..
So then I kept creating more and more of a story about him, until he became my other half, a demon I was born to be equals with. A demon who wanted vengence on the world and God. Justice, his justice for all those who he claimed betrayed him. This worked for like 2 and a half years. Now he's nothing more than a character in a story. He is attached to me in the story, but not the real me anymore.
I can feel the anger, no the hatred leaving me. But it's leaving a void. A void that creates confusion. I already have a place for love and happiness within me, but this confusion, is causing stress that is driving me insane.
I feel as though I gave up my dream of the Dragon Master, to replace him with Citoria, and now I am so distant from him. I used to draw him all the time. But not anymore. People should know his name and not Citoria. I should have been him all those years.
Why did this happen Dragon Master?
Who knows.
I am jealous of the Jonathan in my drawings. For you see he is surrounded by friends. Perhaps it's becasue I am growing up, or the fact that I live in residence, but I wish I had my friends. But there always seems to betrouble betwee them.
What is happening to me?
Guess I'm just in a rut. Nothing to draw, no adventure, no dramatic tales to share.
How can I find this adventure?
Things just seem to be dying off....
I must find a way to stop it.
If there is a way...
1 Comments:
to whatever you may feel today i want to change any of it that is bad, i was put here on earth, in life and in this relationship to make your life holy, to make your time here as a mortal to be fascinating. to make you feels things that you would never have experienced without me. jon that is what i am here for. when i came into this relationship i did mean to change you. from that angsty, angry, scared, and sad human being to what you are today. but some how along that way my plan failed. i did make you happy, and i brought love into your life and i made you experience things that you wouldhave never experienced without me but somethow i went wrong. this feeling of confusion, this void in you that citoria used to fill was supposed the be filled with your courgae, your happiness your realization of the future was all meant to be. i have failed but will never stop trying. no matter how many times i fail there will always be a solution, maybe i should fill you void with the realization that your friends are right there with you...in your head. whenever you get confused. dont you here noelle going "Huh...KONFOSSED" and whenever you need to pay attention you gotta feel vicki wacking you with her leather wip "saying faster faster." whenever you get said you turn on music and immediatley you are with brandon sitting on a couch listening to emo music bouncing your head back and forth and whenever you get mad instead of swearing jen is there in your ear whispereing "WHAT THE BUN." and finally whenever you feel any other emotion i am there to pick you up and hold you in my arms and telling you that i am always here with you. and i always will be here even if you dont want me to be (which might not be a good thing) be never the less i will not leave your side spirtually, i might phyiscally. but i am always there beside you urging you and making you go up and beyond your standards. you have to realize that even though you think that you are all alone you are really surronded by people who love you and know that you are going to make a big difference in the world. HEY they might even ask you to make that leaning tower fo piza straight again. lol. jon whenever you are in a rut of whatever call anyone of these people up and talk to them about what you wanna do or what you are trying to do and immediatley you solve your own problem. when you talk something out loud you start making ideas and everything in your brain. jon we are all a simple ten number away and all of us start with 905. we are always going to be here for you, even if you dont want us to. i love you jon with all my heart. and i will promise you something. that soon that void will be filled with everything good. and i think i have one last notion that i have good and bad news. the good news being that i love you. the bad news being that whatever you do, where ever you are, who ever your with you are never going to be able to get rid of me.
Love Caley
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